79: Today

Today went fast. I didn't dissolve into a pile of tears. I walked into my classroom this morning and stood there, gormless. I had so much to do that I couldn't do anything. 

I completely disregarded the shoddy plans I made and flew by the seat of my pants today. I don't know how long I can keep this up. I don't know how to do this anymore. My mind is everywhere and nowhere. I'm worried I won't be able to keep my daily writing going.

There's too much to do that isn't work. There's too much work to do. I woke up at 5:27, two minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. Awful. I kept creaking in and out of the bedroom, having forgotten what I came in for. Dressing in the nursery. Cold. Dark. I pumped at work, which was weird, and then left the milk there. Figures. I got a lot of hugs from my old kids. I always think I'm a terrible bitch ogre to them, and they always have ways of showing me, you're not that bad. Which is nice. Not that bad.

10:58. This girl is wide awake. We have to clean. I was supposed to plan. Supposed to shower. I just need to sleep for ten hours. I'll probably get around four.

Treading water. Keeping my head above the current. Barely, barely, barely.